These interviews are published in our latest title, Queer Palestine. Purchase your print or digital copy here.
In December 2023, two months into the exterminatory assault on Gaza by Israeli occupation forces, we began collecting materials about and by queer Palestinians for a short zine, with the aim of raising funds for relief and to provide a record of this supposedly contradictory group of people responding to the slaughter. Writers, photographers, poets, journalists, and artists contacted us. One, the New York-based reporter Afeef Nessouli, has been in regular communication with many Gazans over the last year to coordinate supplies and evacuations, and in the process they have shared their stories with him. Two queer Palestinians in particular seemed eager to talk. Nessouli contributed transcripts of his conversations over email with these two queer Palestinians in Gaza, which we published in our project with their consent. These testimonies of life during genocide also offer a sense of the place of queerness within Gazan society. The following are excerpts from their unedited email correspondence, with names anonymized for safety. All proceeds from the sale of this project will go to support these two and their families as they attempt to survive a genocide.
INTERVIEW with QFG, while living in a tent in the southern Gaza city of Rafah during heavy bombardment. QFG has since evacuated to Cairo.
Afeef: Can you tell us a bit about yourself?
QFG: I am 23 Years old. I identify as bisexual. I live in Rafah and lately am usually sleeping in a tent or hospital. I Lost my adoptive family in an air strike but found out my biological family survived. I see them sometimes rarely but I'm always alone . Everyday in this genocide has been unending torture, a living Hell. I Usually spend my time praying, Looking for food, Walking kilometers Away, Looking for water and wood to Cook expired Cans of food, and animal food for my exhausted Kidney to accept. I just want to live my queer life freely.
Tell me about your queer life. Can you remember the first time you realized you liked boys too?
It was one time on the beach late at night. I had a car before this war and a nice bike. Me and my best friend from childhood were cruising around with my car. Smoking hahaha. And bunch of snacks. Normal cigarettes btw (but i had quit long time ago). Anyways, we went to the beach late at night after being with one another all day. And we started talking really deep about how much we enjoy each other’s company. I was always scared to tell him i liked him and i feel emotions towards boys. He always flirted with me. I always seen it as jokes never realized he was the same. He likes boys and [is] into men.
I used to have a boyfriend and a girlfriend. We meet in different time and places and love has united the Three of us, my boyfriend was my best Friend since childhood and my adoptive family (brother; they took me in after my family kicked me out), as for my girl I meet her in college and fell in love with her. we 3 were so special and loved each other more than anything. they both died. we used to love to eat in Tabon restaurant one of the most Famous pizza places in Gaza where It's just sand now, not even memories still there.
What is hard right now?
The hardest part of this Hell is Surviving whether It's Surviving famine or bombing or mental trauma that makes me desire suicide to rest in peace where only god will show me love the world didn't show me
I have Unending stories I would love to share with you. I lived a life where you Don't even dream to see in movies. I Wish to Tell you all about it when I'm out of here in peace one day for now I wanna share this:
My mental trauma is beyond any living Being in this world. I think about suicide every second the only thing keeping me Alive is the Hope of getting out of gaza.
What do you need people to know?
I'm asking for the community and the world to help to embrace me with love and help me make my Dreams true. to have a Chance of a new life, a new home, a meal and love and peace. I want to be evacuated and I want to be famous for my music and making films.
INTERVIEW with E.S., living in northern Gaza
Afeef: Can you tell us a bit about yourself?
E.S.: My name is E.S. I’m a 27 year old queer, HIV positive, disabled, artist and online English language tutor. I live in the west of Gaza City (Northern Gaza). I live with my mother, 24 year old brother and two feline companions. I’ve not been doing much in my days due to the ongoing eradicating genocide. My days have been pretty much repetitions of the past days. Every day is quite a struggle juggling between attempts to provide what is essential to keep us alive and alleviate the psychological toll of this seemingly endless genocide. There is no easy part when it comes to what’s been happening but the hardest part, from a more general point of view, would be to negate and refute this realization that there aren’t any more humanity nor love left in this world to rescue Gaza from total eradication nor put this bloodshed to an end. On a personal level, the hardest part would be to try and remain alive and be able to foresee a future for myself, my family and my people in this life where we can live in peace, freedom and health.
You say you identify as queer. Do you have any stories about being queer while in Gaza?
I’ve never met anyone queer or gay in Gaza, but I’ll tell you a story about one time when my mother and I had to walk to the market. I don’t judge a book by its cover, and it’s inappropriate—I think—to assume someone’s sexuality based on how they talk, walk, or dress. Anyway, my mom and I were walking in what could resemble a market in a post-apocalyptic world and saw this guy with a fully coordinated outfit and hand purse. I looked over to my mom and said, “I bet you that this guy is gay.” She just sighed in frustration. She doesn’t like it when I speak anything that deviates from what she considers “normal/natural/ordinary.” I know that even though I’m rebelliously open about who I am with her, she’ll always have that degraded vision of me in her subconscious and even conscious mind. It’s evident in how differently she treats me and my “straight and masculine” younger brother.
So, I identify as queer. I only learned what queer meant after having lived in the US when I attended college there. Before then, the only term that was there to describe myself was homosexual/gay, not that specific term but the Arab derogatory version of it (Luti). I became aware of my sexuality at a young age, as I engaged in exploratory behaviors with other boys my age starting at 5 years old. This whole notion of having a queer life in Gaza seems entirely out of reach due to the stigmatization caused by religious, patriarchal, homophobic, and heteronormative morals, ideals, and ideologies. Any act of resistance or rebellion embodied in self-expression, advocacy, or even the embracement of queerness can cost your safety or even your life. The stigma surrounding queerness and the lack of education about LGBTQ+ issues in a place like Gaza had serious consequences. That was my case. I was never embraced for who I was, and I never got educated about how to take precautions and protect myself. Because of that, I ended up contracting HIV when I had my first refuge to travel to Istanbul, Turkey, as a student at 18 years old. That’s how an occupation works; you have to sacrifice something essential, like dignity or rights, in order to stay alive.
What do you need people to know?
I want to know if I evacuate to Egypt if I can access my HIV meds without being a local. That is the main thing I need to find out. I want to believe that I deserve peace, love, compassion and dignity, even when the actions of the world at large don’t convey that. I yearn to reside in a place that affirms my pride in being Palestinian, queer, and HIV positive. I long to live without the constant fear of succumbing to the harrowing occupation, the complications of my illness, or persecution for embracing my queer identity. I crave acceptance and love for who I am, unconditionally. I dream of a place where I can access the necessities to sustain my livelihood and lead a stable, peaceful, and fulfilling life.
What have you loved about Gaza?
The question should be, what haven’t I loved about Gaza? Meaning, I’ve loved everything about Gaza. I can’t say that it was always that way unfortunately. When I was younger I didn’t like Gaza at all. My dislike of Gaza had nothing to do with the fact that it was occupied nor besieged but it was because I understood that my identity as someone who liked those beings of the same sex/gender as me could never actually be able to have freedom in expressing their true self. That changed later on in life. I had the privilege to travel outside of Gaza and be in places where I could express who I am and live it out but my Palestinian identity never escaped me or so I thought. I needed to go back to Gaza as a grown up young adult to understand that liberation must be fearlessly obtained and processed internally so it can be expressed on the outside. I have loved Gaza because it taught me that freedom of the shackles of homophobia and Israeli besiegement can be a state of mind even if not a tangible one. If that makes any sense! But I must reaffirm that while this became possible through the hardest of paths for a whole two years before October 7th, unfortunately I can’t foresee a chance for any kind of freedom in Gaza post October 7th.
To give this question a more specific answer, I have fallen in love with all that entails what Gaza is, especially the small little details of it. But if I want to be 100% truthful, I’d say that I love the beach the most. I love watching the sunset or being driven along the beach road at night and watching the horizon.
On June 24th, ES wrote with an update:
I’m still in the west of Gaza City close to the sea port. There is a lot happening. The Northern Gaza Strip is being starved again. We are lacking any humanitarian aid coming in due the borders being closed for more than 45 days. Even if they were to be opened, there is little to nothing coming to the northern part. We haven’t had any fresh produce/poultry/meat/dairy products for as along as I could remember. Whatever canned processed food that is left is being sold at much higher prices. It’s so much worse because most people are running out of cash and there is so banking services that are operational at the moment. It feels like a forever loophole where death becomes the ultimate salvation. Militarily speaking, northern Gaza is still being bombed. Recently the IOF has been using quadcopters to attack targets most of whom are civilians. We were once at the market where a group of people were fired at killing at least three people. It’s very terrifying to say the least.
I have two months of HIV anti-viral medication. And I’m definitely on the look out for possible ways to access my meds.
I want people to know that even though we have become accustomed to the fact that we have been undergoing a genocide for the past 9 months, it’s definitely not okay that this is still going on. I want the world to know that we deserve life just as much as everyone else. I want the world to remain vigilant in their advocacy for Palestinian liberation and most important to put an end to this horrendous genocide.
Speaking of medication. Whatever medication I was able to access since the beginning of the genocide is whatever was left in the infectious disease health department’s storage in northern Gaza. I was lucky to have that much lasting supply only because other patients who took the same medication have evacuated south. I believe that the number of HIV infected individuals in Gaza doesn’t exceed 30 individuals so I’m not sure of the urgency to provide medications for us. If they were to provide them, I wonder if they could deliver them to me up north. ⊱
Queer Palestine is available in print for shipping within the US, and a digital copy is now available for sale anywhere in the world. All proceeds from sales will go to ES and his family and QFG as he establishes a life in Cairo post-evacuation.